Today can SUCK IT

I’m not gonna lie to you. Today absolutely sucked. There is no way to sugar coat it, either. No amount of preparing and rationalizing and convincing myself I was doing the right thing helped me when I had to actually say good-bye to my sweet puppy. After my dad left with her I curled up on the floor and sobbed. I cried in the car on the way to Hanny’s. I cried at her front door when my brother texted me to tell me they both went peacefully. I pulled it together long enough to get on my makeup and go to Party City because I still had a baby shower to co-host. I cried again on the way to Jacque’s for her shower after my brother texted me to tell me how bad his heart hurt. I then smiled and laughed and faked my way through 4 hours of the shower.

Then mom texted me to say she was crying for both girls too and that my brother was devastated and carrying around Cleo’s collar. I cried when I texted my brother to tell him he could keep her tags as a reminder and I sobbed when he said thank you. I blubbered on the phone with my dad (because he doesn’t text) and then cried when my husband called immediately after. I came downstairs to pull all of the Cleo pics I have on the computer and bawled like a friggin baby. But the photos helped me to remember WHY I had to do this today. It showed me just how much weight she’d lost and how feeble she had become. I don’t have any pics of her after she started to get really sick… I’d like to remember her the way she was when she was healthy and happy. I miss you already, sweet baby girl, and I will see you on the other side of Rainbow Bridge.